Dirty
by IceQueenRia
Summary: 'Please don't do this.' I sobbed brokenly. His eyes screamed a thousand apologies while cruel laughter rang around the room. That night, I cried the whole way home. 3 part fic, eventual PucKurt. W - rape
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Summary: 'Please don't do this.' I sobbed brokenly. His eyes screamed a thousand apologies while cruel laughter rang around the room. That night, I cried the whole way home.**

**Warning: Rape**

**This fic will be told in three parts**

**Dirty**

**Part 1**

The sound of my footsteps echoed as I padded out of the shower stall in the boys' locker room of William McKinley High School. Sometime during my shower after gym class, those mindless jocks stole my clothes and hid them in various places about the locker room. It was only once I was sure they were all gone that I dared to emerge from the shower stall. Wrapping my towel around my hips, that are _not _at all pear shaped thank you very much Sue Sylvester, I began the hunt for my hidden clothing.

Locating my beloved designer labels wasn't too difficult a task. Those brainless Neanderthals have pulled this stunt so many times and always use the same hiding spots. I'm almost offended by their lack of originality when it comes to their bullying pranks. I sometimes wonder if they're even putting in any real effort.

Finding my clothing, thankfully un-ruined, I dried off and dressed, singing to myself without fear of ridicule or attack from the other boys now that I was alone. After tidying up after myself, I collected my bag from my locker and secured it on my shoulder. Head held high, I exited the changing rooms and walked easily through the empty school corridors.

Perhaps most students would find it eerie to walk about the school when it was quiet and deserted, but I hadn't been one of them for a long time. The first time I was forced to wait behind after school hours searching for my clothing, it had been unnerving to walk down the hallways with only the sound of my breath and footsteps for company. But after being forced into such a position many times over, I fast grew accustomed to passing through the school building on my solitary. In some ways, I actually preferred being in the school by myself. At least I didn't have to tense at every corner wondering what would be waiting for me. During school hours when the jocks rule the place, I'm constantly on edge as I await my next attack. Sometimes it's a locker shove or a slushie. Other times its homophobic slurs or other unimaginative insults conjured up with their limited vocabulary.

Passing through the main double doors, I shivered a little as the cool evening air bit into my skin. My hair was still a little damp from my shower and that added to the chill. Moving towards the parking-lot, I took out my car keys. Sometimes, I questioned why the jocks never attempted to damage my super gorgeous car. I supposed they had intelligence enough to appreciate such a fine vehicle and didn't have the heart to tarnish it.

Opening my car door, I slipped inside and placed my bag on the passenger seat beside me. Starting up the engine, I neatly drove out of the school gates. The school was never locked up at night for some reason. Possibly because Figgins' couldn't afford to pay for any form of security. Not that it really mattered; nobody was lame enough to break into McKinley. There simply wasn't anything worthy stealing.

Arriving home, I said a quick hello to my dad, putting on a smile as I fed him a lie of how I'd had a good day at school. It may not have been the worst school day ever, but it hadn't been too good either. There had been no Glee rehearsal to cheer me up and Mercedes was off sick meaning I sat alone for most of my lessons. Still, it was the end of the school week and I had no homework that needed completing, so not everything in life was as tragic as Rachel Berry's fashion sense.

XXX

Saturday morning went by without much incident. I was helping dad out in the shop, getting my hands dirty with oil as I aided him in fixing up cars. It was the only 'masculine' activity I truly enjoyed and it was something me and dad could bond over. As accepting as he was of my sexuality, it did create a wide barrier between us. Although I liked to consider us as being 'close', I couldn't deny that we lived in very different worlds where common ground was difficult to find.

There are times when I truly wished I could be more like other teenage boys. I'm not saying I wish I was straight, the mere thought of that is nauseating. No offence, my best friends are girls, but vaginas and boobs… disgusting. Of course, I've nothing against lesbian or straight couples but it simply isn't for me. My cock, yes, I do have one despite the fact I apparently walk like a woman, gets hard for men and men only. I just wish I could perhaps be interested in sports or Deadliest Catch or Mellencamp. However, I suppose I do fall in to the stereotypical gay boy category. Though I like to think that I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, am one of a kind, somebody so unique I can't be labelled or compared to others.

That Saturday evening, I fully intended to lounge comfortably in my basement and watch all my favourite musicals. My plans were thwarted by demands for me to attend a party. Everyone else in Glee had, minus Mercedes who was still ill, agreed to attend so I supposed it wouldn't be too terrible. I would at least have people to talk to and hopefully to save me from any hassle the jocks might give me.

Selecting an outfit, something that looked good but wasn't too expensive or valuable so it wouldn't be so devastating if it was ruined, I asked myself why I had agreed to this party as I was sure it would turn out to be a stupid idea. Heading upstairs, I told my dad I was going to Mercedes' house. The way he smiled and believed me so easily made my intestines knot with guilt but I forced a smile in return before leaving.

Finding the house wasn't difficult. The music could be heard two blocks away and a large line of cars was parked all up the road. I found myself a spot but remained in the safety of my baby. Looking towards the house where the party was taking place, I seriously considered just turning the car around and going home. I probably would have done if it wasn't for the honking sound of another car driving by and parking up. Watching the car in my rear view mirror, I recognised the faces of Brittany, Quinn and Santana.

The three girls exited the car, all looking gorgeous in their different ways. Quinn had a more innocent beauty, Brittany had a mystical allure about her while everything about Santana just screamed sex. As the three walked along the path together, they paused at my car and Santana pulled the door open before yanking me out by my arm.

"It's a party, Hummel." She told me in that bitchy tone of hers. "Pull the stick out of your ass and enjoy yourself."

Rolling my eyes, I followed her lead up to the house, Quinn looping her arm through mine and Brittany trailing behind us, eyes on my ass no doubt trying to fathom out how I could keep a stick up there. I didn't bother explaining to her that Santana's words were merely a joking figure of speech; it would only confuse Brittany more. She was a sweet girl, and though she could memorise dance routines faster than anyone I knew, she couldn't boast about being the most intellectual individual.

"Where are the others?" I asked referring to the rest of the Glee Club members as we reached the garden.

"Berry and Tina are on their way." Santana answered. "The guys are already here."

"Apart from Artie, he dropped out at the last minute." Quinn explained and Kurt strongly wished he had dropped out too. "Relax Kurt, it's just a party."

"Right, party." Kurt repeated trying to act calm.

Santana pushed open the front door and waited just inside for a few seconds so she could take Brittany's hand. She then led the blonde further into the house and the two were soon lost from my line of vision. They were probably gulping down drinks and grinding against one another in a semblance of sex and dance.

Holding tight to Quinn, I allowed her to steer me through the house. Every second I expected somebody to grab me by the scruff of the neck and throw me out. It didn't happen and I wasn't too sure whether to be thankful for that or not.

Seeing members of the football and hockey teams, regular bullies of mine, I felt a slight sense of panic but it seemed they were too drunk or having too much fun to bother with harassing me.

Somebody holding a tray of drinks stopped in front of us but Quinn declined the offer and dragged me even deeper through the mass of bodies. She pulled me into a corner of the living-room to join Finn, Mike and Sam. I'd never been more relieved to see the three boys, confident that there was enough muscle between them to protect me if need be. Though I would grudgingly admit that I'd feel even safer if Puck was around but the mohawked boy wasn't in sight. He was probably up in one of the bedrooms with a girl, maybe even two.

Releasing my arm, Quinn moved to stand close to Sam, their bodies pressed together as they had a conversation, shouting into one another's ears to be heard above the music. Leaning against the wall, I tried to look calm and comfortable rather than intimidated and out of place. It was a look I'd mastered over the years so I'm sure I pulled it off. Mike offered me some of his drink but I shook my head no. Last time I touched alcohol I puked all over Miss Pillsbury's beautiful shoes, I certainly didn't want a repeat performance. Of course, it wouldn't be her shoes I puked on this time. Knowing my luck it would be Santana's and then she'd massacre me.

A little later, Rachel and Tina fought their way through the crowd and joined us in our corner. Almost immediately, Tina pulled Mike away to dance and Rachel and Finn were soon moving away too. Having nobody to talk to or dance with, I quickly became bored but I wasn't willing to move from the corner I was occupying with Quinn and Sam.

Pulling my phone out and checking the time, I realised I'd only been standing here for just over ten minutes. It had felt a lot longer since I was doing nothing but standing in a corner and looking pretty. Turning my head, I planned to tell Quinn that I was going to head home but I caught sight of the two blondes exchanging open-mouthed kisses. Feeling uncomfortable, I pointedly looked away. By the time I brought myself to glance back, I found that the two had wandered away into the throng of dancing couples leaving me on my own.

Even if Mercedes or Artie had been here, I'm sure the party would have still been unbearable but at least I wouldn't have been so alone. Casting one last look around the room, I pushed away from the wall and ducked and weaved my way through my drunken peers.

Before I could escape the living-room, a strong hand gripped my wrist and pulled me down onto the couch. Wrenching my arm back, I turned to find a drunken Puck smirking at me. He handed me a bottle and I accepted it but made no effort to take a sip. He had a can himself and took a long gulp, seemingly uncaring about the couple making out next to him.

Having nothing better to do, I shrugged and took a tentative sip of my drink. I pulled a face as the liquid burned my throat; it was much stronger than what I had been anticipating. Puck laughed at the expression on my face and I shot him a glare before making an attempt to down the rest of the bottle just to shut him up. It didn't work too well. Most of it missed my mouth and trickled down my chin and onto my shirt and some spluttered out of my nose. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I was embarrassed to realise I'd only really managed a few mouthfuls.

Downing the rest of his can then crushing it in his hand and throwing it over the heads of the people partying near by, Puck turned to me with an odd look in his eyes. I raised my eyebrow at him in question but he wasn't giving me any answers. I gulped down another helping of my drink, once again pulling a face at the less than desirable taste.

Setting what was left in the bottle on the floor, I leaned in to Puck to tell him I was leaving. I stood up and felt his hands on my waist as he stood up with me. He pulled me to him and before I realised what was happening we were dancing together. It was strange and I found it hard to believe it was actually real. Looking around me, I expected somebody to break us apart and yell something homophobic but it didn't happen.

While dancing, though not very enthusiastically on my part, I caught eyes with Tina who was wrapped around Mike as they danced. She giggled a little at me and Puck before giving me the thumbs up sign. I merely rolled my eyes in response before another pair of drunken dancing teens stumbled around, blocking Tina from my vision.

The song changed and I couldn't help but perk up as I recognised the Lady Gaga song. Singing along to the words, I threw my arms around Puck's neck and danced with more gusto than I had with the previous song.

"That's more like it." Puck yelled with a laugh as he rocked his hips against mine.

Knowing that Puck was drunk, I briefly wondered what he'd do if he remembered this in the morning. He might beat the fashion out of me for it but I couldn't bring myself to stop. I was actually quite enjoying myself. I loved the song and it was my first experience of dancing with another guy and that guy was Puck who, it pains me to admit it, is incredibly and drool worthy hot.

The way he was moving against me was beginning to have a physical affect. If it wasn't for the fact that I could clearly feel Puck growing hard too, I'd have run away in fear and embarrassment. But Puck was getting turned on as well so I just went along with it, pressing against him urgently, desperate for more of that delightful friction.

I was disappointed for the song to end but decided it was probably a good thing. If I continued rubbing against Puck for much longer I'd no doubt erupt and I was wearing a perfectly good pair of underwear, it wouldn't do to stain them.

Pulling my arms away from Puck, I turned and stepped away. He followed, taking my hand and leading me to the kitchen. He grabbed two random plastic cups from the counter and handed me one. I wrinkled my nose as I looked in at the contents but followed his example and downed it as best as I could.

Suddenly, Puck was standing much closer to me and his erection was poking me in the hip. He ducked his head and buried his face in my neck, gently nipping at the flesh. I gasped in surprise. Dancing together was one crazy thing but having Puck nuzzle my neck was quite another. I pushed him away, immediately missing the contact but trying to ignore that fact.

"Goodnight Puck, I'm going home." I informed him, shouting to be heard.

I turned away from him, pushing past people who clearly couldn't handle their drink and made my way to the front door. Once again, I felt a hand take hold of me but this time when I spun round I was not met with a friendly face.

"Where do you think you're going, faggot?" Karofsky asked me with a sneer.

"Get off me." I retorted trying to pull back but the grip he had on me was too strong and painfully tight. "I said let go." I snapped at him looking around desperately for someone who could help.

I could see Rachel, I yelled out her name but of course she couldn't hear me. I struggled in Karofsky's grip waving my free arm about wildly hoping to get her attention, but her eyes were closed as she danced and sang along to the music, Finn right by her but he was looking in the opposite direction.

Karofsky dragged me towards the stairs. I gripped hold of the banister trying desperately to get away from him but it didn't work. There were plenty of people around, but none of them were paying attention. They were all lost in their own drunken worlds. He grabbed me about the waist then slung me over his shoulder. I punched kicked and screamed against him and it almost caused him to fall down the stairs but he regained his balance. Then, I saw Puck and his eyes met with mine. Somewhat sluggishly, he battled his way through the sweaty drunks around him making his way to the stairs.

As Karofsky carried me into a room and threw me down on the bed, I tried to keep calm knowing that Puck was on his way. Everything would be fine just as soon as Puck found us. Until that time, I just had to do my best to distract Karofsky from whatever it was he was planning to do. Maybe I'd have to take a punch or two, but it shouldn't take Puck too long to burst in and rescue me. Normally, I despise the idea of being a damsel in distress in need of a handsome knight to save me, I'm a man after all, I should be able to defend myself, but in this situation my pride could go and shop at the Gap while I waited for Puck to play the role of hero.

"You have any idea what you do to me, Hummel?" Karofsky asked slurring his words. Clearly he'd been drinking heavily too. "The way you strut around in those tight jeans, wiggling that firm little ass, you're just begging for cock you dirty slut."

Hearing his words made my insides fill with ice. He lunged towards the bed and I scrambled away, heading for the door but he caught my ankle. I fell hard on the floor and he dragged me back towards the bed. I yelped as the carpet burned my hands before I was shoved back onto the bed, Karofsky atop of me.

"Get off me!" I screeched uselessly flaying against Karofsky's weight wondering where the hell Puck was.

"Don't act like you don't want it." Karofsky jeered. "You're the school queer. You make sure everyone knows it, walking around with your head held high, rubbing your gayness in everyone's faces. You were born to take cock, Hummel, and tonight cock is what you're gonna get."

The door flew open and I almost sobbed with relief as Puck staggered into view. He stumbled towards the bed and placed a hand on Karofsky's shoulder, glaring darkly at him.

"Don't touch what you can't afford, Karofsky." Puck said.

As Puck grabbed hold of Karofsky and forced my bully off of me, I almost felt like exclaiming, 'my hero' like in all the old movies but my relief was short lived. When Puck hauled Karofsky off of me, he overbalanced and fell flat on his back, Karofsky landing on top of him. The two grappled with each other for a while and I wasn't sure what to do. Before I could make a decision, the door slammed shut and I looked to find Azimio and another large guy off the football team.

They both joined the fray and delivered a few hits and kicks to Puck. Moving off the bed, I rushed towards them trying to help but I already knew it was pointless. It was humiliating how easily they tossed me back onto the bed. Although I watched Puck fight back a little, I knew there was no way he could win, he was outnumbered. As I watched Puck be thrown across the room, his head colliding with the wall, I accepted that I wasn't getting out of this room without some serious pain.

The three jocks grinned cruelly at me, their teeth reminding me of a swarm of sharks and it made me feel like a pathetic tiny fish with no means of defence. Hands were on me, pinning me down while Karofsky straddled me and ripped open my shirt. Glaring up at him, I spat in his face earning myself a sharp punch to my jaw. Even though I knew there was no chance of getting away from the three larger and stronger teens, I never stopped struggling. I was a Hummel; they couldn't push me around without getting some form of resistance.

My lips were being mauled by Karofsky's and I squeaked in protest as I turned my head away thereby breaking the unwanted kiss. He grasped my throat and forced my face back round so he could reach my lips. I still struggled but it only caused him to squeeze my throat tighter.

Part of me hoped I would fall unconscious just so I wouldn't have to experience what was going to happen, but as Karofsky forced his kisses, which I refused to return, the pressure on my throat eased off and I had no choice but to consciously live through the ordeal. The oaf's lips moved down to bite savagely at my throat before he moved down my bare chest, making one of my nipples bleed and the other ache painfully.

I continued to scream through it, still trying to fight them off but refusing to shed the tears that burned to leak from my eyes.

"Stop struggling and just enjoy it, fag." Azimio snarled at me.

I shot him a hateful glare. He was a homophobe; everyone knew he was, so I really couldn't understand why he was here watching as Karofsky abused me. It was clear that Karofsky was a closet case but Azimio definitely wasn't into guys and I had no idea about the other footballer whose name I didn't know.

"I'm not the only gay in this room." I dared to say. "Why don't you pin your good buddy Karofsky down and beat him up? He's gay, just like me."

"Shut it you queer." Karofsky growled and his fist collided with my cheek.

"Hey," Puck's voice croaked out as he regained consciousness and pulled himself up to a standing position. "You'd better get your hands off him."

Azimio crossed the room to meet Puck, punching him in the face before shoving him towards the large bed I was sprawled upon. The nameless blonde jock helped Azimio keep Puck pinned down while Karofsky yanked my jeans and underwear down my legs. I tried to scramble away but before I could even move an inch I was flipped onto my stomach and Karofsky's hand came down on my ass making me cry out. I heard the other two boys laughing and could feel my cheeks flame in humiliation.

"You sick fuckers, don't you dare touch him!" Puck seethed still trying to fight against the two holding him down.

"What's the matter Puckerman?" Azimio asked with mock concern. "Did you want Hummel's ass for yourself?"

Puck didn't answer and I turned my head to look at him but I couldn't make out his face.

"Shit, you do, don't you. You're a dirty fag as well aren't you, Puckerman." Azimio said. "Well, if you want Hummel so much, have him. Rape that little queer's ass."

For a moment, I almost stopped breathing as my heart thudded against my chest. Despite the fact Karofsky had been kissing, biting and touching me, I hadn't allowed myself to even think of the word 'rape' but now that Azimio had said it my insides filled with dread. I still fought against the tears that threatened to fall, desperately hoping for someone to enter the room and get me out of this mess.

"What's the matter, Puck?" Azimio asked. "Too shy to perform with an audience?"

"You sick fuck's, I'm not raping him." Puck whispered.

"Either you do it Puckerman," Azimio said. "Or Dave will and I can promise you that Dave won't be gentle."

The blonde guy laughed and I felt like I might vomit. I closed my eyes hoping that none of this was real, that I was merely trapped in a nightmare and would wake up safe in my bed. Of course, as much as I wanted to wake up safe and sound I knew it wouldn't happen. I knew this situation was far too real.

"What's it gonna be Puckerman?" Karofsky asked. "You gonna rape Hummel or shall I do the honours?"

"No!" I yelled renewing my fight and somehow managing to twist round onto my back again. "No, you're not touching me, nobody's touching me!"

A blinding pain of agony attacked me as Karofsky punched my nose and blood journeyed down my skin, trailing towards my mouth, past my chin and down my neck.

"Oh yeah, keep squirming Hummel." Karofsky laughed. "I bet you want me to fuck you don't ya, you little bitch?"

"No, get off, you're disgusting! Help! Somebody help!" I yelled at the top of my lungs but nobody answered my cries of distress. Not that I expected them too, the music was booming so loud that I could hardly hear the sound of my own yells.

"Do it Dave, fuck the fag." The blonde jock encouraged.

"No!" Puck yelled out. "Not him. Me."

Karofsky moved off my waist but still pinned my arms down so I couldn't get away while Azimio ripped off Puck's trousers.

"Go ahead, Puckerman." Azimio said. "Fuck the queer virgin's ass."

I still made an effort to get away, even biting at Karofsky's arm but it only earned me another punch, this one to my stomach. My legs were pulled apart and I felt the warmth of Puck's body spread over mine. His hand moved between my legs to prepare me but one of the others slapped his hand away.

"None of that," Karofsky said. "This is a rape remember." The three laughed and Puck looked incredibly ill.

His hands moved up to my face, cradling my head gently as he lined his cock up with my hole. I whimpered, still trying to fight what I knew what was going to happen.

"Please don't do this." I sobbed brokenly.

I let out a high scream as Puck entered me without warning. It felt like I was being ripped open and I was sure that if I wasn't bleeding already then I would be soon enough. I made to scream again but Karofsky covered my mouth with his large hand, silencing my pained cries.

Meeting Puck's face, I could see tears clinging to his eyelashes. His eyesscreamed a thousand apologies while cruel laughter rang around the room. With tears falling freely down my cheeks, there was nothing I could do to prevent what was happening, to save what was brutally being stolen from me.

"Don't be such a girl, Hummel." Karofsky sneered in my ear. "Just fucking take it."

"I'm sorry." Puck sobbed as he slowly pulled out of me before easing his way back in. "Shit man, I'm so sorry."

My body was experiencing too much pain to really concentrate on Puck's choked out apologies. I couldn't even begin to imagine what was going on in his head. For me, all I could think about was what I was being subjected to. There was no other word for it, I didn't want this to happen, and I was not a willing body. My virginity was being ripped away from me in front of an audience of laughing jocks. I was being raped by Noah Puckerman, my fellow Glee mate, my almost friend, the first boy I ever danced with, someone who used to throw me into dumpsters and all I could do was cry as he continued to thrust in and out of me, my passage eased by my own blood.

For some reason, I couldn't close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else. My eyes remained open, stubbornly looking into Puck's face as he tore something so precious away from me. He was biting on his lip, a guilty expression on his face as he fought not to moan. The feeling of sickness intensified in my stomach as I realised Puck was getting pleasure from this.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry." Puck told me before his body spasmed above me and he spilled himself inside of my abused hole.

There was no orgasm for me. I wasn't even sporting a hard-on. There had been too much pain for me to feel pleasure. Slowly, Puck pulled out of me and I screamed into Karofsky's hand. Having him pull out hurt nearly as much as it had when he'd entered me.

"Let him go now." Puck demanded but Azimio only laughed before punching him in the face and then him and the blonde held him down on the bed again so that his face was turned towards me.

"Keep watching, Puckerman." Karofsky hissed before he pulled his cock out and rammed himself inside of my already tender hole.

His hand was still over my face blocking the sound of my screams. Tears leaked from my eyes again as he slammed in and out of me. While Puck had been as gentle as he could be, Karofsky was deliberately rough, his free hand raking his blunt nails across the expanse of my skin. Casting my eyes to Puck, I found that he was screaming and crying along with me as Azimio and the blonde forced him to watch.

Finally it was over, and the three jocks left. Still crying and whispering apologies, Puck reached out to comfort me but I flinched violently at the touch. Before I could prevent it, I vomited over myself. My whole body shook and I ached all over. It took a while for my mind to process that I had just been raped twice and when the realisation hit I promptly vomited again.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry, man." I heard Puck say but I couldn't bring myself to answer just yet. "I… I'll call the police."

"Don't." I snapped at him fiercely. "Tell no-one." I ordered.

Shakily, I moved off the bed, my aching body screaming in protest as I hobbled around to pull my jeans back on. My shirt was ruined.

"Kurt please, let me help you." Puck said.

"Don't fucking touch me." I seethed.

He had already pulled his own clothes back on and I could tell my words had stung but I couldn't bring myself to care about his feelings or his trauma. Even though I knew he wasn't the bad guy in this, he was still my rapist and I was his victim. Though it had been a merciful rape, it was still a rape and I couldn't stand to have him touch me right now. I knew he only did it because he thought he'd be sparing me the touch of Karofsky, but that didn't make it ok. It didn't even surprise me that Karofsky had raped me as well but Puck had obviously believed they'd leave me alone if he did what they told him to.

"Kurt?" Puck asked and I could sense him standing close behind me. "Please don't hate me for this."

Turning round, I forced my eyes up to his. He looked awful, eyes puffy and swollen, nose running and face blotchy. I wondered how wretched I must look but didn't care to find a mirror to look upon my reflection. Part of me wanted to lash out, hit him, scream at him and yell that I hated him but I truly didn't have the energy. I could tell that he had sobered up, not that his state of sobriety meant much right now.

"I don't hate you." I managed to say and relief instantly washed over his face. "I'm… I'm… at least it was you first and not… him."

"He won't get away with this." Puck told me. "I'll get Finn, Sam and Mike and we'll fucking make all three of them pay for this."

"No, don't tell anybody." I replied quickly. "Promise me, promise you won't say or do anything."

"Kurt I…" He started but I didn't let him finish.

"I screamed out 'no' a lot of times tonight and none of them listened." I reminded him. "After what you did to me the least you can do is respect my wishes not to tell anybody about what happened tonight. Please, I can't have people know that I'm… dirty."

"But Kurt…" Puck tried but I just shook my head.

"Promise me." I asked desperately and he nodded. "Good." I replied.

Walking slowly, I left the room. Moving through the house was thankfully easy. Although the music was still blaring and plenty of people were still drinking and dancing, nobody was on the stairs and the way to the front door wasn't blocked. I hurried out into the night air, my anus still aching from my ordeal. Finding my car, I gingerly sat inside only to find that Puck was jogging after me.

Though I was desperate just to get away from him as he only served to remind me what I had been subjected to, I waited for him to catch up and made no protests when he sat down in the passenger seat. Placing my hands on the steering wheel, I waited for him to speak.

"You aren't dirty, Kurt." Puck said and his voice sounded so pained, I wondered if I sounded as bad as he did. "Tonight was… fucked up and terrible but none of it was your fault. You're still you, Kurt. Don't let anybody take that away from you."

"I feel so disgusting." I admitted. "So weak."

"Me too." Puck replied. "But believe me Kurt, you're not. You are strong and you're going to get through this."

"It really happened." I whispered as tears streamed down my face. "Oh Gaga, it really happened."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt." Puck said and I jumped as I felt his breath tickling my cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"You raped me." I replied and his face contorted unattractively at the words as he cried just as much as me, maybe even more.

"I know." Puck wiped furiously at his eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry. But I couldn't let Karofsky be your first."

"You raped me." I repeated and he winced at my words and I'm sure we were both assaulted by the memory.

"Please forgive me?" Puck begged.

Tears still falling, I just shook my head. That simply action made him cry even harder but I couldn't forgive him.

"I can't forgive you." I said out loud. "Not yet. Please get out of my car now."

"I'm sorry." Puck said for the umpteenth time as he opened the door. "I…"

I just glared at him, effectively silencing whatever the ending to that sentence was going to be.

That night, I cried the whole way home.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer-Oh yeah, I like totally own Glee now. Please note, sarcasm.**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone.**

**Part 2**

After parking my car on the roadside of my house, I turned the ignition off and just sat alone in the darkness. I didn't have the strength or the will to move yet. My dad was inside the house somewhere, completely unaware of what had happened to me, his only son. Telling him could destroy him. He's always been protective of me, especially since mum died. Knowing what happened tonight could break him. He'd blame himself and I couldn't stomach the thought of that. It was much better for him to believe that I'd spent the night with Mercedes.

Of course, if my dad saw me in my current state, he'd know that something bad happened. There would be no way to avoid his questioning. If he was asleep, I'd be able to get by but I knew my dad, he always stayed up waiting for me to get home. For a moment, I considered sneaking around the back and crawling in through my basement window. But I knew I wouldn't be able to manage it, I was still far too sore.

Turning the engine back on, I drove away off down the street, away from the familiarity of my home, the safety of my dad's presence and the comfort of his strong arms. After drying round for a while I pulled over and slipped my cell phone out of my jeans. A few angry tears splashed down onto the screen as I looked at it. I should have called the police earlier, when Karofsky first attacked but I didn't even think about using my phone.

Taking a few moments to control my emotions, I called home. It didn't take long for my dad to answer, meaning I was correct in assuming he was still awake and that I wouldn't have been able to sneak past him.

"Hey dad, it's me." I said with false cheer. "Mercedes and I are going to make a night of it so I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok Kurt." My dad replied without any suspicion. "You be good, kid. Don't keep the Jones' up all night again."

"We'll keep the noise down don't worry." I told him with a forced chuckle. "We're just going to watch a few favourite movies then we'll get to bed."

"You two enjoy yourselves." He said. "Tell Mercedes I said hi."

"Sure dad, goodnight." I answered.

"Goodnight Kurt, I love you." He told me and the words caused another tear to fall.

"I love you too." I replied in a breathy whisper before hanging up.

Running a hand through my messy hair, I struggled over what my next action should be. I couldn't return home until morning but I needed to clean myself up first. Thoughts of driving myself to the hospital entered my head but I quickly shook them away. Any doctor or nurse would easily be able to tell what had happened to me and because I'm still a minor they would insist on contacting the police. That would also lead to them informing my dad and that was the last thing I wanted.

Most of my friends were probably still at that party, enjoying themselves and having fun, completely unaware to what had happened to me on the floor above without their knowledge. The thought of any of them knowing made me feel ill anyway. The same applied to Artie and Mercedes; I couldn't ask them for help, not about this.

I briefly considered seeking help from Mr. Schue but that would be far too awkward and he'd make me tell my dad and the police. He probably wouldn't know what to do anyway. There was really only one person I could turn to in this situation. Hand shaking, I searched through the contacts on my phone until I came to Puck's name. As I stared down at the number, I was attacked with the memory of what he'd done to me. Knowing that he was my only option, unless I wanted to clean myself up in a public toilet and risk catching some hideous disease, I pressed the call button and held the phone to my ear.

Hearing his voice greet me hello was a difficult thing to hear. A large part of me never wanted to hear his voice again but I knew I needed his help. I contained my sobs long enough to inform him I was coming over before hanging up and driving to Puck's house. As I drove, my mind wandered to Puck's family. Everyone knew his dad had walked out on them many years ago but he still had his mum and sister. I had heard a fair amount about Puck's mum from Quinn and I was pretty sure the woman worked night shifts. Hopefully she would be out. As for his sister, I knew she was too young to be left home alone so she must have had a babysitter or been staying the night at a friends.

I arrived at Puck's house far too soon for my liking but I couldn't turn back. He was sat on the doorstep waiting for me and stood when I parked my car in his drive. Our eyes met and we stared at one another through the glass of my windshield before I unbuckled my seatbelt and slowly hobbled out. Walking was painful and I had to lean heavily on my car. Puck moved hesitantly towards me, close enough to catch me if I fell but respectfully not touching.

Gritting my teeth, I straightened up and took slow steps towards his front door. Somehow, I made it inside despite the burning pain down below. Once I made it through the door, I gripped the banister and leaned on it for support as I tried to stop my tears and get my breathing under control. The door shut and the sound made me flinch violently, reminding me of how Azimio had slammed the bedroom door at the party.

"Sorry." Puck apologised upon seeing my reaction. "Just relax; I'm not going to hurt you."

"No, you already have." I snapped bitchily. Guilt spread over his face as well as assaulting my taste buds. He didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of my bitchy diva-ness. Although it was hard to sympathise with his anguish when I was so caught up in my own, somewhere in my head and heart I knew that he wasn't the bad guy. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"You're not the one who should be feeling guilty." Puck told me. "Just… just let me help you. Are you sure you don't want to call the police."

"I'm sure." I answered immediately suddenly realising how dry my throat was. "Water?" I asked and he nodded before moving to the kitchen and filling me a glass. Normally, I would have followed, but I hadn't the energy. "Thanks." I said as he handed me the glass, it shook in my hands a little, some of the water splashing out onto my hand but I managed to bring it to my lips and take a much needed gulp.

"Tell me what to do, Kurt." Puck pleaded and I could tell he was feeling as hopeless as I was.

"Your family?" I asked looking up the stairs and he told me they were out. His mum was indeed working the night shift and I had correctly guessed that his sister was at a sleepover. "Can I use your shower?"

"Think you can manage it alone?" Puck asked seriously but I wasn't too sure myself. My thoughts must have reflected in my face because Puck suggested he run me a bath instead. "If it's ok with you, I'll be in the bathroom with you just to make sure you don't… pass out and drown."

"How considerate of you." I quipped unable to contain myself. I finished my water and passed the glass to him trying to decide whether I'd prefer a shower or bath. Either way, I'd probably need Puck's assistance at some point. A bath would help sooth my aches better but a shower would leave me feeling cleaner. "Let me shower." I decided in a voice that left no room for argument.

Nodding in acceptance, Puck headed to the kitchen to place the empty glass away. In his absence, I made a start on the task of climbing the stairs. Climbing down the stairs at the house party had certainly been a lot easier and less painful. I was about half way up when I felt Puck moving behind me and heard him offer his help. Despite the fact I knew it would be much quicker and easier to accept, I declined. I wasn't ready to allow him to touch me yet, at least not any more than was absolutely necessary.

Reaching the top of the stairs I looked from left to right, unsure of where the bathroom was located. Puck pointed me in the right direction and I entered the bathroom, Puck turning the light on. The stand in shower looked simple enough but the situation certainly wasn't. In order to shower, my clothes would need to come off. Even though Puck had already seen me naked, I was in no hurry for him to see my nude form again. Feeling vulnerable was not something I was fond of.

"Towels are in here." Puck said pointing to a large wooden box. He lifted the lid, took out a towel then placed it on top. "I'll um… I'll find you something clean to wear."

He headed away to his bedroom and I took the moment alone to look upon my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Turning my head from side to side, I tried to analyse the state of the bruising. With the right make-up, I knew I'd be able to cover the bruises from my father and the rest of the world. The bite marks on my neck could also be covered with make-up and hidden by scarves or long necked sweaters. My face was dried with blood from being punched in the nose but that would easily wash away under the spray of the shower.

"Will this do?" Puck asked me holding up a pair of long shorts and his football jersey. I nodded and Puck placed the clothing on top of the towel box. "I'm here if you need me." Puck said and he placed the toilet lid down and sat on it.

"Close your eyes." I ordered and he did as I asked as I undressed.

I stepped into the shower but left the door half open so he'd be able to hear me if I needed his help. I turned the shower on to an acceptable heat and braced my hands on the tiled wall as I let the water wash away the blood, dearly hoping it would wash the horrific memories away too but knowing that it would not. Tipping my head back, I sighed in relief as the blood was washed off of my face. Looking down at the drain and blinking the water out of my eyes, I saw that the water was tinted pink from my dried blood.

Resting my forehead on the coolness of the tiles, I reached my hands behind myself to part my ass cheeks. The water hit my abused area and I released a whimper at the sting.

"Kurt?" I heard Puck question in concern.

"It hurts." I admitted as the blood around my sore anus was washed away.

"Do you need help?" Puck asked.

I wanted to tell him no and continue to wash by myself but my legs were quickly losing strength. It wouldn't be long before my knees buckled and I crashed onto the shower floor. Shelving my dignity and conjuring as much bravery as I could muster, I asked Puck to join me. He stepped in behind me just in time to catch me before my legs gave out. His arms wrapped around me gently, supporting my weight. Trying to block out the knowledge of what had happened between us earlier that night, I clung to his shoulders and buried my face into the crook of his neck so I wouldn't have to see his face. At least that way I could try and pretend that it was somebody else in the shower with me washing the evidence of the night's events away. He had taken his shirt, shoes and socks off but probably for my benefit he had left his pants on.

"Kurt?" Puck asked tentatively. I wish he wouldn't speak, hearing his voice makes it harder to ignore the fact he's the one taking care of me. "I need to spread your cheeks apart so I can clean your hole better."

"Ok." I answered as I fought down the overwhelming urge to scream, cry and beat my fists against his strong chest.

He was gentle as he opened my butt cheeks and used a flannel to wash away the dried blood. He wiped away the dried up stains on my thighs too before lightly running his finger around my battered opening. The pain shot up my spine and I dug my nails into Puck's shoulders as I cried out. He whispered soothing words to me as he tenderly continued his work.

"All done." He told me moving his hands away from my buttocks and up my back.

"My hair." I replied weakly knowing I still didn't have the strength to wash it myself.

Puck nodded in understanding and gently lowered me to my knees before setting about washing my hair. His fingers massaging shampoo into my scalp felt wonderful and I relaxed into the touch. For a few glorious minutes, my mind was at peace, free of the horror of what had happened to me that night, part of it due to the person taking care of me now. Of course, after he'd finished washing my hair, everything returned full force. I felt sick realising I'd enjoyed having Puck touch my hair so soon after being raped by him. I was very conflicted with my emotions towards him. Parts of my brain were continuously reminding me that he had raped me and that I should therefore be disgusted by his close proximity, fearful of him and hate him. Another section of my mind was fighting to defend Puck's earlier actions and convince myself that it was ok to respond to his gentle ministrations in the way I had.

The shower water was turned off and Puck wordlessly helped me step out. He was good enough not to look at my naked body while he wrapped me in the towel and helped me dry off. Suitably dry, I lightly pushed him away from me and dressed myself. Looking at his feet, I saw that his jeans were sopping wet from the shower.

"I'm just gonna change." He informed me quietly.

As he headed to his bedroom, I checked my reflection in the mirror again, feeling slightly happier with what I saw but still feeling incredibly dirty and thoroughly used. Grabbing my clothes off the floor, I slowly made my way downstairs, throwing my clothes into the trash. I certainly wouldn't be wearing them ever again, not after what happened to me while wearing them.

I took a seat on the living-room sofa and Puck joined me a while later. He was fully dressed and holding two steaming mugs of cocoa. He passed me a cup and took a seat on the other end of the couch. We spent the night in silence until sleep finally claimed me. I woke in the morning to find my head resting on Puck's lap, his hand gently running through my hair. My mind and body told me I should react badly to the touch, and I did flinch a little. But my heart couldn't fail to point out how soothing the contact was. Still, I moved away and headed upstairs to use the toilet.

After washing my hands, I splashed cold water onto my face to help me wake up a little more. Searching through the cabinets, I found a tube of toothpaste and squirted a blob onto my finger before brushing my teeth as best as I could. Just as I was putting the toothpaste away, Puck appeared at the doorway.

"Are you ok?" He asked me.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I returned thinking things might be easier to take the 'ignore it and pretend it never happened' approach. It may have worked if Puck had co-operated.

"Kurt, I stole your virginity from you last night." Puck pointed out, not that I needed reminding, my bottom was still throbbing with a dull pain. "You need to… I don't know. But you shouldn't be so calm like you are now. You need to yell or hit me or something."

"I just want to forget about it." I told him. "It would be great if you'd let me try."

He wanted to argue, I could tell but he clenched his fists together and forced himself to stay quiet. I appreciated that. Looking back to me, though neither of us meeting the other's eye, Puck offered me use of his mum's make-up to conceal my bruises. He also said I was welcome to borrow a pair of her jeans and one of his sister's scarves to go home in just as long as I brought them back.

Thanking him, I stepped past, tensing a little as our arms brushed together before asking which way his mother's room was. Entering the correct door, I moved to her small vanity and searched through her products for the best items to use then got to work on covering my bruises. Checking my face and neck from all angles, I decided the discolouration on my skin was concealed well enough. Feeling a little awkward, I searched through Mrs. Puckerman's wardrobe for a pair of jeans. Stripping out of the borrowed shorts, I pulled a pair of light coloured jeans on. Wearing Puck's football jersey felt too weird and my dad would certainly asked questions so I selected myself a plain white v-necked sweater from Mrs. Puckerman's wardrobe. Moving back to the hallway, I handed Puck his shorts and jersey back before entering his little sister's room and finding a scarf. Using her mirror, I knotted the scarf carefully around my throat before using her brush and comb to fashion my hair so it hung lazily over my forehead, a few strands falling into my eyes.

"I'll bring this stuff back to you on Monday." I told Puck before finding my shoes, slipping them on to my feet then heading down the stairs.

"Kurt, wait." Puck called to me and I paused by the front door, staring at the markings in the wood as I waited for him to speak. "What happens now?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I think we just… let's just pretend that last night never happened. That's probably the best option."

"I can't do that." Puck replied guiltily and I felt a strong urge to punch him. Repeatedly. In the face. Really hard. "I want to make this better. I want to fix you."

"I'm not broken." I responded in a harsher tone than I intended. "I don't need anyone to fix me, especially not you."

"You understand why I did it… don't you?" He asked me. "You know I did it because I thought… I thought it would be better if it was me… I knew he wouldn't be gentle, I was, or I tried to be. I was trying to make it… better. I'm not sick like those bastards, I didn't do it to humiliate you or hurt you."

"I know." I forced myself to say before Puck broke down in tears. I don't think I could handle having him break down on me. "But what do you want me to say? Do you expect me to thank you or something?"

"No, of course not." Puck said quickly. "I don't… you don't owe me anything. But what happened last night, I'm suffering from it too, not as badly I know but… well, maybe I need _you_ to fix _me_."

"You can't ask me to do that." I sighed resting my head on the glass in the door frame. "Please I just… I can't. I'm really confused about how to feel about you right now. I know you aren't a sick malicious prick like Karofsky or Azimio, I know that, I do. But no matter what way I try to think about it, the fact still remains that you raped me. I don't… I don't hate you. Although part of me thinks I should, and part of me knows it would be easier if I did, I don't. But I can't be the person to help you deal with your struggles of guilt. You need to overcome that alone just as I do. I know you want me to forgive you, maybe one day I will, but not today, not until I'm ready. So, I'm going to open the door now and get in to my car. Please don't try and get me to stay."

I fiddled with the latch and pulled the door open then stepped out. The morning breeze felt soothing on my skin as I walked to my car, my eyes squinting against the brightness of the sun. As I had requested, Puck didn't follow me. He was still watching me from the doorway though, I could sense it.

On the drive home, I made up a mental list of films to say I had watched with Mercedes, just in case dad asked. Upon arriving home, I found a note from my dad saying he'd gone fishing with some friends. I breathed a sigh of relief as I headed down to my basement. Shutting the door, I curled up in my bed and cried myself to sleep, something I wouldn't have been able to do if my dad had been home.

Dad came back later that evening and I'd prepared dinner for the two of us. After my sleep, I'd made sure to keep myself occupied. I'd done a lot of cleaning, finished reading a book I had been halfway through and then busied myself with cooking. Eating with my dad was surprisingly easy. With our mouths full of food, we didn't have to talk. I chewed my roast potatoes and swallowed before helping myself to seconds. Dad's eyes widened in surprise but he made no comment. Usually I ate small amounts but I was starving and food was most welcome.

With my dad's help, I washed the dishes. I put some music on and sang along to the words so I wouldn't have to make conversation. He sang along with me, even dancing a little which made me laugh. Smiling at him, I didn't think laughter had ever felt so good. Without warning, I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" He asked me with a surprised laugh.

"I love you daddy." I told him, cursing myself for saying 'daddy'. He knew I only used that when something was bothering me, or if I wanted money for clothes.

"Daddy?" He repeated inquisitively. "Ok, how much?"

Realising that dad had assumed I was after money; I took advantage of it and decided to play along so I could keep him from discovering the truth. If he noticed I was upset and asked what was wrong, I'm not sure if I'd be able to lie convincingly.

"Only $50 for an incredible sweater that would look so fabulous on me." I invented.

"You help me out in the shop after school tomorrow then I'll give you the money." Dad compromised and I smiled up at him before agreeing.

Saying that I was tired having stayed up all night at Mercedes', I bid him goodnight and made my way down to my basement. Although I was relieved that I'd fooled dad into thinking everything was fine, I felt bad for lying to him over something so serious. There was also a place inside of me that was a little hurt and a tad angry that he had failed to see I was drowning in so much emotional anguish. Even though I was doing my best to hide the truth from him and really didn't want him to know, there was still a part of me that wanted to fall into my dad's arms and have him rock me as I cried.

That night, I didn't sleep. The thought of attending school on Monday and having to face Karofsky, Azimio, Blonde Guy as well as Puck and all my friends was not a good one. I felt sick. People would ask about the party, I knew they would. They'd want to know where I disappeared to and I had no idea how I might respond. Then there were the three jocks. I'd try and keep a low profile but I wouldn't be able to hide from them. Sooner or later, our paths would cross.

XXX

Morning came, as I knew it would, even though I didn't feel prepared for it. I took a quick shower and dressed. I wore a pair of grey pinstriped trousers, looser than the tight pants I would usually wear. With it I wore a white long-sleeved shirt complete with a black waistcoat and tie. My hair was combed neatly and my make-up concealed my bruises perfectly. Looking in the mirror, I gave myself an inspirational pep talk, assuring myself that I could make it through the day.

On the drive to school, I had to keep repeating parts of my self-motivational speech so I wouldn't ditch and drive on to wherever the wheels of my car would take me. Arriving at McKinley, I parked my baby in my usual spot and looked out the window and the students milling around. I hadn't been around a large number of people since the party. I wasn't sure how I'd cope with human contact. There were bound to be times when other students would bump into me or shove me into lockers. And my friends from Glee would perhaps hug me or touch me. I flinched in my seat at the mere thought of it. My dad was different; he was family and I just… I just didn't worry about having him touch me. But other people, that was a different matter.

There was a soft knock on my car window and I turned my head to find Puck standing awkwardly with his backpack slung on his shoulder. Rolling the window down, I asked him what I wanted, my eyes returning to look straight ahead rather than at him.

"You can't stay in that car forever." Puck pointed out.

"I feel sick." I confided. "And I'm scared. I don't want to have to face them. I didn't even want to have to see you."

"You don't have to face them today." Puck suggested. "We could drive somewhere; skip school for the day, just you and me."

"No." I replied. "If I don't get out of this car and walk into that building today then I'll never have the courage to do it."

"If you want, I'll stick by you all day." Puck offered. "I won't let those fuckers near you if I can help it. I'll get the other guys to help. And Santana, they won't fuck with us if she's around."

"The guys can't be around me all the time." I said reasonably. "They won't be able to protect me forever. Just like you couldn't protect me Saturday night even though you were trying to."

He pulled my car door open and extended his hand to help me out. My eyes fixed on his hand before travelling up the arm it was attached to and then to Puck's face. I shook my head and he let his arm drop back to his side. I stepped out of the car and closed the door before catching sight of Rachel and Finn. Calling out to them, I waved then made my way over to join them, Puck a few steps behind me. As I had predicted, the first words to leave Rachel's mouth formed the question of where I had gotten off to at the party. Not having a false answer prepared, I turned to Puck for help and he stepped in to say that I'd gotten embarrassingly drunk and he had driven me home. The two accepted the story before Rachel launched into a discussion about the solo she thought she ought to perform at Regionals.

Walking along with them, I tried to tell myself that the day wouldn't be so bad. Just as I was beginning to believe my own thoughts, someone ran by and jostled me into Finn. The contact made me flinch before I violently pushed him away, shrieking at him not to touch me. Both Rachel and Finn looked at me as though I'd gone mad. In fact, everyone around us who had heard my exclamation looked at me as though I was insane.

"Kurt, are you feeling ok?" Rachel asked me reaching her hand out to my forehead but I jerked away from her.

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." I shot at her before scampering away like a frightened animal.

I kept running blindly through the swarm of students until I found a deserted corridor. I promptly slumped against the wall, and then slid down with my back against the wall and my feet on the floor, head buried in my hands and my knees pulled up. My body wracked with sobs and when my ears picked up the sound of approaching footsteps, I twisted my body to the side, pressing myself against the wall and making a useless attempt to hide.

"Let me take you home." Puck's voice said and I sensed him crouching down beside me. "You're not ready to be here."

"I said I wanted to be left alone." I replied as he furiously wiped away the tears from my eyes.

"Well I'm not going anywhere." Puck told me and I turned a glare upon him. "If I leave you alone and Karofsky found you I'd never forgive myself. I'm not letting him hurt you, not again."

"You didn't let him hurt me the first time." I mumbled quietly. "It wasn't your fault."

"But I feel like it is." Puck confessed as he moved to sit beside me. I shifted a little distance away. "If I'd have been sober I could have taken those assholes. Or if I'd grabbed somebody else to help me sort out Karofsky instead of trying to be the hero all by myself. Fuck, I ended up being just as bad as the villain. When you said you were going home, I should have walked you to the car and made sure you were safe. If I'd just done something different I could have stopped this shit from happening."

"It wasn't your fault." I repeated. "What happened, happened. Nobody can change that. We just have to live with it and deal with it alone."

"Can't we deal with this together?" Puck asked and I glared daggers at him, feeling a sense of triumph when he recoiled. "We can help each other, Kurt. We don't have to be alone in this."

"I don't want you to help me." I growled out. "I don't even want you near me. When I look at you I feel sick."

"You don't have to be afraid of me." Puck said gently and I found myself irritated by him being so caring.

"I'm not." I told him after a few minutes of silence. It was true, I wasn't really afraid of Puck. I wasn't fully comfortable around him or indeed anyone at the moment, but I wasn't scared of him. Mostly, being around him just gave me a large confusing headache. "We should get to class." I said before heaving myself to my feet.

Puck stood with me and I could feel his eyes on my face while I dropped my gaze to his kneecaps. Remembering the borrowed clothing in my bag, I pulled the items out and handed them to him with a polite thank you.

"I want to protect you." Puck told me after I'd taken a few steps away from him. "I want to earn your forgiveness for what I did and I want to make things better between us. I just… fuck, I care about you Kurt. For a while my feelings for you have been changing. That night, I danced with you because I like you and I wanted you to like me too. Then I was kissing your neck, you remember that right? That wasn't just because I was drunk. It was because I wanted to, because I enjoyed it."

"Did you enjoy raping me?" I asked with my back still facing him.

"Of course not." Puck answered firmly.

"But you came." I reminded him.

"I know." Puck sighed. "And I'm sorry but I couldn't help it. You were… you were so tight." He whispered guiltily. "And I… I wanted to be with you like that. I wanted to be your first but… never like that for fuck sake."

"What do you want from me, Puck?" I asked turning round to look past his shoulder rather than at his face.

"I want you to forgive me." Puck answered. "And I want… you. I wanna date you and be threatened with physical violence by your dad and Mercedes if I ever break your heart. I wanna hold your hand and sing cheesy duets in Glee just like Rachel and Finn do. I want to be your… boyfriend."

"That's what you want?" I asked and Puck nodded. "Well I would advise you not to hold your breath because I don't think I can give you any of that."

"Yes you could." Puck insisted and I felt myself freeze up and I wrapped my arms around myself defensively. "If you didn't or couldn't ever feel something for me… you wouldn't have come to my place the other night after what happened. You wouldn't even be talking to me now. If nothing could happen between us, you'd hate me. But you've told me yourself that you don't and you said you're not scared of me. I know you'll need… time but we can work through this."

"I'm going to class now." I responded emotionlessly as I walked away, my mind buzzing with all that he had said.

XXX

The inevitable happened during lunch. I had been walking alongside Tina and Artie on our way to the cafeteria. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Karofsky and Azimio at the opposite end of the corridor. The two were right up in one another's faces seeming to have a whispered argument. Seeing Karofsky brought back memories of Saturday night all too vividly. Before I could prevent it, I puked up on the floor. A series of 'ewws' and 'urghs' sounded around me but I ignored it.

Turning on my heel, I headed to the nearest girls' bathroom, Tina following after me. Dropping to my knees, I bent my head over the toilet bowl and vomited again. She rubbed my back and I jumped at the touch, a whimper escaping my throat along with another chunk of puke.

"Don't touch me please." I begged her and she backed away. "Oh fuck." I swore before throwing up again.

"Do you have a stomach bug?" Tina asked gently from behind me.

"Yes, a stomach bug." I answered. "I must have caught it off Mercedes." I lied even though I knew full well that Mercedes was at home because she was recovering from shingles, not a stomach bug.

"I can take you to the nurse." Tina offered.

"No, I'll be fine." I assured her flushing the toilet chain and grabbing a handful of toilet paper to wipe my mouth. "You should go." I told her. "I don't want you to catch it."

"If you're sure?" She asked looking hesitant but she left when I nodded to her.

Gripping my hands on the sink I took deep breaths to calm myself. Turning the cold water on, I splashed my face then shook the droplets off before rinsing my mouth out with water. Just as I was done with fixing my hair, the door opened and Puck stepped inside.

"Tina said you were here being sick." Puck informed me.

"I saw Karofsky and Azimio." I replied and he nodded in understanding, his fists clenching as though he wanted to punch something. "It looked like they were arguing. They didn't see me but… I had to get away."

"I get it." Puck told me. "Walk with me?" He asked. "You look like you could use some fresh air."

Picking my bag up, I followed after him. We had barely stepped back into the school corridor when Karofsky was blocking my path.

"Hey Hummel, enjoy the party Saturday? I know I did." Karofsky winked at me and without even realising it I had moved closer to Puck, his tanned arm wrapping around me protectively. "What about you Puckerman?" He asked. "Did you have fun too?"

I felt my heart clench and my stomach twist uncomfortably as Puck pushed me behind him, standing in front of me like a body guard.

"Keep walking Karofsky, you sick son of a bitch." Puck snarled at him.

"No, I don't think I want to." Karofsky replied. "I think I wanna take your precious Hummel out under the bleachers."

"You fucking touch him and I will rip you apart." Puck warned.

Karofsky only let out a short laugh before aiming a punch at Puck. In the blink of an eye, Puck was throwing a punch back before tackling Karofsky to the ground and hitting every part of him he could reach. I pressed myself against the bank of lockers, looking on at the scene before me as nearby students gathered round and encouraged the fight. As my two rapists fought, I was mentally rooting for Puck, secretly hoping that he'd cause Karofsky some permanent damage.

In time, teachers were running towards the chaos and it was Coach Beiste who pulled Puck and Karofsky apart. She looked between them and ordered a nearby student to escort Karofsky to the nurse. She grabbed Puck's arm and pulled him towards the Principal's office. Still shaken from having Karofsky speak to me, I pushed away from the wall and gripped hold of Puck's wrist, following them to Figgins' room.

Outside the office, Coach Beiste realised I was there too. She opened her mouth, probably to tell me to go back to lunch or get to my next class but she said nothing. I guess I must have looked as bad as I felt.

"Kurt, are you ok?" She asked me gently.

I just buried my head in Puck's shoulder, only flinching a little when his arm moved up to rub soothingly at my back.

"It's alright." Puck whispered to me. "He can't hurt you."

"I want to go home." I replied quietly.

"Coach Beiste…" Puck began but she cut him off.

"Go, take care of him." She said gently. "But Puckerman, no more fighting. I won't let you get away with it next time."

He only nodded at her before leading me out of the school and to the parking lot. Knowing I was in no state to drive responsibly, I handed Puck my car keys and slipped into the passenger side. He asked me where I wanted to go but I merely shrugged in response. I didn't care where we went just as long as it was away from Karofsky.

Puck drove us to the next little town and we got out of the car and just walked around aimlessly. It was as we sat together on a park bench that oversaw a lake that I realised something important.

"N-Noah?" I spoke up turning to look at his chest. He deserved to know what I'd just realised. "I… I think I do need you to help me through this."

"I'm right here, Kurt." He replied and I lifted my eyes up to look into his. "I'm right here."

At some point, I reached my hand out and wrapped it in his, drawing comfort from the contact of the boy who had taken my virginity.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, any lyrics or gummy bears**

**Thanks for reviewing**

**I haven't had gummy bears in forever, I don't know if they still do white/black gummy bears because apparently it's racist or something. Pft, so ridiculous, sweets aren't racist *rolls eyes* but nevertheless, let's just pretend that they DO still have white/black gummy bears.**

**Lyrics are in **_italics_** songs are:**

'**What I've Done'-Linkin Park**

'**Being Alive'-Bernadette Peters (That's the version I'm thinking of at least) it's from the musical Company**

**Part 3**

He never owned up to having anything to do with Karofsky, Azimio and Blonde Guy being brutally beaten up, but I knew Puck had something to do with it. There had been witnesses to the attack who had described a gang of men all wearing ski masks assaulting the three jocks with a variety of weapons. At the time of the attack, I had been in Glee club, Puck sitting beside Artie a few seats in front of me. So even though I knew he hadn't touched any of the three bullies, I still believed he was behind it all. I never asked him about it and he never offered information. I decided to myself that the attackers must have been members of Puck's Fight Club or contacts he'd made during his stint in Juvie.

Though I had no way of knowing, I had my suspicions that the three jocks knew that Puck had been behind the attack too. After getting out of hospital, Blonde Guy promptly transferred to another school. The rumour mill around McKinley came up with various reasons as to why he transferred and why the three boys were attacked so viciously in the first place. Mentions of drug-related issues and marital affairs were particularly popular stories. As always, the ridiculous rumours never once landed close to the truth. Of course, in this situation, I was entirely grateful for that fact.

As for Azimio, the word was that he was on life support. Upon hearing the news from Jacob Ben Israel, I had to work hard to fight off the small smile that threatened to paint itself on my lips. Ordinarily, I wouldn't wish such awful things upon anyone, bully or not. But this was no ordinary situation. Azimio had played a leading role in my being raped. Although I certainly didn't wish for him to die wearing horrendous looking pyjamas on an uncomfortable hospital bed, I know I wouldn't care if he did. His potential death wouldn't be a loss to me or a victory.

Through the grapevine, I had overheard that Karofsky would be returning to McKinley within the next two weeks. Although the mere thought of him still sickened my very core, the spark of fear no longer ignited. He wouldn't be harassing me anymore, at least not physically. He wouldn't even be taking the stairs to get to class or playing football or hockey. If the rumours and speculation were true, Karofsky would be spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

Being good friends with Artie, and having tasted what life in a wheelchair is like for a single week in Glee club, I wouldn't have ever thought I'd be happy to hear that someone was doomed to live a handicapped life. But Karofsky had done the unthinkable to me. If anyone deserved to have the mobility of their lower half taken away, then it was him. Witnesses at the scene of the attack had also claimed that Karofsky's penis had been cut off. Most guys cupped their groins and sympathetic tears filled their eyes when they heard such detail, but not me. I smiled in relief knowing that he wouldn't be able to attack me or anyone else in such a way again.

Despite the attack on the three jocks being good news, at least from my perspective, it didn't mean the ordeal was over for me. Somehow, I doubted it would ever truly be over. Just like the untimely death of my mother. Although I had learned to live without her, the heartache never faded. I would always miss her but she'd forever be in my memory, as would the rape.

It was lunch time and I had opted to sit outside on the bleachers rather than join my friends in the cafeteria. I'd been doing it a lot lately. Being inside a class full of students was still daunting, but the work could usually distract me. The cafeteria was always extremely busy and I still wasn't able to handle such an environment. So it was that I took to sitting alone outside or in empty classrooms during my lunch breaks. Or in the library, it was never heavily populated in there. On this particular day, the bleachers were my chosen location; I needed the air.

The wind was strong today; litter was flying through the air and being strewn all across the field. Anyone receiving detention today would probably be given the task of picking the litter up. Feeling the chill bite into my hands, I dug them into the relative warmth of my blue coat. The flaps of my hat covered my ears and also prevented my hair from being messed up, a stylish and practical choice of accessory on my part.

Sitting on the cold metal bench of the stands, it wasn't long till Puck made his way up to join me. This had also been happening a lot recently. Sometimes he found where I was spending my lunch hour, other times he didn't. Obviously, he had found me today. Though we had both admitted that we needed each other to overcome the dark situation we had been forced in to at that party, things were still awkward between us, though given the circumstances that was only to be expected.

He came to a stop and as always, he respectfully sat a short distance away from me so as not to invade my personal space. Though I didn't look upon him with fear or hatred, touching still made me freak-out a little. Not just touches from Puck, it was from other people too. Mostly it was just the male population who caused me to flinch, but occasionally girls made me twitch uncomfortably too, though only if I couldn't see right away that it was a girl touching me.

My reluctance to being touched had not gone unnoticed. During rehearsals of our dance routines in Glee, it was particularly noticeable and often caused something of a distraction. In one session, Sam had messed up his movements and made to grab my waist when he should have been on the other side grabbing Santana. All I saw of him was the blonde hair and at his touch I yelled at him and pushed him away, my thoughts on Blonde Guy rather than Sam. Although I received confused and annoyed stares, I managed to avoid questioning by playing my reaction off as stress and frustration from Sam having got the dance moves wrong. Only Puck knew the truth.

More than once, Mercedes had tentatively turned the conversation to my out of character behaviour. At first, I managed to distract her but she soon got wise to how I continuously changed the conversation topic. She demanded answers from me but I refused to provide her with any. It upset her, I knew it did. It upset me too, but there was no way I could tell her or anybody else.

"You looking forward to Glee today?" Puck asked starting off a conversation between us.

"I guess." I shrugged half-heartedly. "Rumour has it that you'll be performing a solo number. Is that true?"

"Yeah." Puck answered. "I sorta need to sing. It'll help me deal with all the shit that's gone down."

"What's your song?" I asked a little nervously.

"You'll see." He told me. "And don't worry. It won't give anything away about what me and those jerk jocks did to you."

"I'm still having nightmares." I confessed and Puck's face fell into an expression of sympathy and understanding. "Not as bad as they were in that first week and not every night. They're becoming less frequent so that's good."

"I'm glad." Puck replied. "Kurt, can I ask you something?"

Hearing the hesitancy in his voice made me reluctant to say 'yes' but I did so anyway. Turning my head, I fixed my gaze to his shoulder as I awaited his question.

"Am I in them?" Puck asked and I brought my eyes up to meet his, unsure as to what he was asking. "Your nightmares." He clarified and I lowered my stare back to his shoulder.

"No." I answered. "Never. Not even those first few nights. It was always… _him_."

"Good." Puck mumbled. "I mean… that is good, right? Not that you have nightmares about Karofsky but… it's good you don't have them about me isn't it?"

"I think so." I responded. "Yes." I decided a few seconds later. "It is good. Nobody should suffer from nightmares about… about their first time."

Looking out at the empty field, we both released a heavy sigh as silence wrapped around us. The clouds overhead were grey, a promise of rain. Not so long ago, before the party night, I had looked upon the rain as a great enemy for it messed up my hair and clothing. Now, I welcomed the downpour. Whenever rain fell, the cold drops beating down on my flesh, I felt safe enough to cry without anyone realising. My teardrops would blend with the rain and nobody would be able to tell the difference. Just like shower water, rain made me feel as though a portion of the bad memory was being washed away. For a while I would feel marginally cleaner. But the rain never stayed. Sunshine always returned to dry it up and I would feel dirty again.

"Can you move a bit closer?" I asked Puck quietly surprising both him and myself. "A little more." I prompted when he shifted a fraction. He moved another few inches. "Just a bit more." I told him and he moved till there was just a foot gap between us. "Thanks." I said.

Silence resumed and we continued to look ahead. Occasionally, I would sense his gaze on my person but I never returned the eye-contact. In the past, I'd been an over-dramatic sometimes attention-seeking diva. Though I wasn't as bad as Rachel, and personally, I believed I had more talent to back my arrogance up than she did. There would always be girls who could sing as well as Rachel Berry. There would never be another Kurt Hummel. Also, the animal sweaters, a total crime against fashion. As for Puck, he had always been able to command attention with his bad boy persona. For two people who had often been loud and strong personalities, we certainly acted out the 'silent type' so well.

Surprisingly, prolonged silences in his company were not uncomfortable. His presence made me feel safe. I had also noted that my nightmares weren't so ferocious if I spent a lot of time with Puck during the day.

"It's raining." Puck commented unnecessarily as the tiny drops began to fall.

"It's raining." I agreed tipping my head back and closing my eyes so the water could splash over my face. Blindly, I reached my hand out to find his and interlaced our fingers together, holding his hand. He squeezed lightly and I squeezed back. "I forgive you." I told him. "You know that right?"

"I know." He replied and even with my eyes closed against the rain I could feel his brown orbs looking at me.

It was true, I did forgive him. Though I hadn't realised it at the time since I'd been so distressed, I'd forgiven him as soon as it happened. That was why I couldn't hate him and why I was able to go to his house afterwards to clean up. As twisted as our situation was, I did trust the boy who currently held my hand in his own.

Hearing a light chuckle escape Puck's lips, I turned to look at him and arched an eyebrow in question.

"Wow, everything about this is really messed up." He stated.

"Is that so?" I asked and he just nodded as he squeezed my hand again. The light pressure made me look down at our conjoined fingers, the differences of our skin colour standing out dramatically. "Yes, we are messed up." I acknowledged.

"Totally." Puck chuckled.

"Completely." I said with an eye roll.

"Utterly." He said shaking rain water off his face, some of it hitting me and causing me to scowl.

"Irreversibly." I proclaimed.

"That's right." Puck nodded. "You and me are totally fucked up, baby."

"Baby?" I repeated dropping my eyes to his knees.

"Baby?" Puck replied in a questioning tone, as though he was asking for my permission and approval.

"Baby." I shrugged in acceptance.

He let out another laugh and this time I found myself joining in. I don't even know what was so funny, or if indeed anything was remotely humorous at all. It was just one of those silly moments where we found ourselves laughing hysterically without real reason and unable to stop.

"Why are we even laughing?" I asked trying to calm down before I embarrassed myself by losing control of my bladder.

"Who cares?" Puck shrugged. "It feels good right?"

Nodding in agreement I pulled my eyes back up to face him. Perhaps it was the rain, but the way he was looking at me seemed different than usual.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked slowly.

"No reason." He replied and I noticed how his eyes dropped to my mouth while his tongue darted out to moisten his lips.

"Of course not." I responded turning my eyes away again.

He wanted to kiss me, I could tell. That's why he was giving me such an odd look. Thankfully, he was decent enough not to act on his desires. Squeezing his hand softly, I rested my head on his shoulder, a silent way of thanking him for not pressuring me. It wasn't entirely shocking that he wanted to kiss me. He'd told me himself that he had feelings for me after all and that he wanted to be my boyfriend. I still couldn't understand why he'd want me though. Not because he was known for being such a womaniser. I'd always said to Mercedes that Puck would run out of girls one day and turn to boys. Even though I knew I was fabulously dressed and incredibly talented with perfectly kept skin, I couldn't understand how I'd be desirable to anybody, least of all Puck. After being raped, I felt dirty, spoiled and used. I still felt that way. Puck was one of the few to know that I wasn't innocent. He knew how dirty I was so the fact he still wanted me caused me great confusion. It didn't make sense for him to still think I was beautiful despite how dirty I was.

"We should get inside." Puck said gently. "If we stay out in this rain we'll catch a cold, and I just can't pull off the snotty nose look."

"Ok." I replied quietly even though I wanted to stay out in the rain.

We stood together and made our way down the bleachers. He was holding my hand loosely, giving me the opportunity to let go if I wanted to. I didn't.

XXX

Arriving to Glee club, I dropped into the available seat beside Mercedes. She had a bag of gummy bears in her hand and she offered them to me. Diving my hand in, I grabbed a handful so that I was sure to select one of each colour. As was my habit, I placed the bears on my thigh, grouping them in their colours. Three green, two of red, orange and white, one yellow and one black.

I had never appreciated the taste of the black gummy bears. I especially couldn't stand them now. In a totally non-racist way, the black gummy bears look dirty to me. My tongue could never handle their taste before the rape and I certainly wouldn't be able to stomach them now. Picking the black gummy bear up, I handed it to Mercedes. She ate it without comment, knowing I'd never been a fan of the black gummy bears.

Picking up the single yellow, my thoughts turned to Blonde Guy. I ripped the bears head off with my fingers before bringing the pieces to my mouth. I chewed on them and swallowed them down. The two orange bears were my next choice. Then I picked up all three of the green bears, thinking of Azimio. He had only ever thrown green slushies at me. Throwing the green bears into my mouth, I picked up the two red and thought of Karofsky. My brain brought the memory of that Saturday night to the forefront of my mind. I remembered the blood that poured from my nose when he punched me and the blood down below as he savagely raped me. Biting the heads off first, I chewed the red bears down.

Only the two white gummy bears remained. They looked so clean as I held them in the palm of my hand.

Mr. Schue strode through the door, enthusiastic as ever before introducing Puck to the performance space of the choir room. Guitar in hand, Puck took position, his eyes meeting with mine briefly as I closed my hand around the uneaten white gummy bears.

The song had a long music intro that Puck played flawlessly before he opened his mouth to sing.

"_In this farewell, There's no blood, There's no alibi, 'Cause I've drawn regret, From the truth, Of a thousand lies…_" His eyes were on his guitar now but mine were still focused on his face. By now, I recognised the song. "_So let mercy come, And wash away, What I've done, I'll face myself, To cross out what I've become, Erase myself, And let go of what I've done…_"

Though I kept my eyes on the boy who was performing, I could sense the rest of the club nodding their heads and dancing about around me. They all thought this was just another performance. Not one of them realised that it meat something so much more than that. It was only I who understood that Puck was moving on from his guilt and forgiving himself, accepting that he wasn't a monster like Karofsky. I felt myself smiling. I didn't hate Puck and I didn't want him to hate himself.

"_Put to rest, What you thought of me, While I clean this slate, With the hands, Of uncertainty…_" His eyes met mine for the word 'uncertainty' before he returned his attention to his guitar than scanned his eyes over the rest of the audience. "_So let mercy come, And wash away, What I've done, I'll face myself, To cross out what I've become, Erase myself, And let go of what I've done._"

As he continued with his song, I opened up my hand and looked down at the two white gummy bears resting in my palm. If Puck was singing about moving on from what he'd done, washing it away and erasing his inner demons, then that meant he was cleaning himself in a way. The white gummy bear looked clean.

Applause erupted throughout the room and I pulled my head up realising Puck had finished. After congratulating Puck on his performance, Mr. Schue began one of his inspirational speeches only to be interrupted by Rachel. While the teacher and student had a debate, I twisted in my seat to see Puck who was sitting behind me. Wordlessly, I handed him one of the gummy bears. Taking it, he looked at me, his expression clearly stating 'what the fuck?' I only smiled in response before holding up the remaining gummy bear between my fingers.

"I don't get it." Puck whispered to me.

"Two white gummy bears." I shrugged back. "They're clean."

"Huh?" Puck asked.

Rolling my eyes, I simply popped the bear into my mouth and swallowed it whole. He did the same.

"Not dirty." I mouthed to him and he grinned in response.

I looked back to the front though I didn't pay attention. Linking my arm through Mercedes' I snuggled close to her. Though she hadn't realised it, her gummy bears had helped me find peace of mind. For now at least. Even though hours before at lunch I had still felt dirty, after eating a simple white gummy bear I felt clean again.

Yes, I'd suffered a terrible ordeal, one that I would still need time to fully recover from. There was still a way to go before I'd no longer flinch at people's unexpected tough or when I'd trust someone enough for full-on intimacy, but a huge step had been achieved today. It didn't matter that my virginity had been taken from me under such harrowing circumstances, I was still me. My talent and fashion sense remained, along with my intelligence and sharp tongue that could out-bitch the likes of Santana any day of the week.

I wasn't a ruined boy or a shell of the person I had been or a shadow of my former self. I was still Kurt Hummel, I'd simply taken a little retreat for the past few weeks but now I was back for a permanent stay. I wasn't just another victim of an unreported crime, I was a survivor. I wasn't a china doll that had been shattered into pieces; I was strong and most certainly not broken. Most importantly, I was still beautiful and worthy of being loved and cared for.

A song was mentioned, a personal favourite of mine and I immediately perked up. The lyrics were handed to Rachel by Mr. Schue and I stood to my feet, hands on my hips as a protestation left my lips.

"Look Kurt, I'm confident Rachel can do this song justice." Mr. Schue told me.

"I don't disagree." I replied taking my hat off and smoothing out my bangs. "A Rachel Berry performance of this song would be great." Rachel beamed at the praise. "But with a touch of diva-ness Kurt Hummel style the audience will be treated to a phenomenal performance." The smile slipped from Rachel's face a little but she handed the lyrics to me, not fighting me for the song. "I have no need for the lyrics." I informed her as I moved to the performance area. "Mr. Schue, fellow Glee clubbers, prepare to be blown away." I said confidently gesturing to the band that I was ready for them to start the music.

Sharing a quick glance with Puck, I found him smiling at me with pride, Mercedes too.

"_Someone to hold you too close,_" I sang. "_Someone to hurt you too deep, Someone to sit in your chair, And ruin your sleep, And make you aware of being alive. Someone to need you too much, Someone to know you too well, Someone to pull you up short, And put you through hell, And give you support for being alive, being alive, Make me alive, make me confused, Mock me with praise, let me be used, Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive…_" Already, I could tell how impressed everybody in the room was. From the way Rachel was teetering on the edge of her seat, her eyes wide in wonder and her jaw on the floor, I imagined she'd soon be begging me to make babies with her so we could ensure our children were so epically talented that they would take over the world of Performing Arts.

"_Somebody hold me too close, Somebody force me to care, Somebody make me come through, I'll always be there, As frightened as you of being alive, Being alive, being alive…_" I continued. The performance was going epically well and I knew it. I didn't like to look upon that as a sign of arrogance but rather self-awareness of how talented I was. My virginity may well have been taken away due to the drunken cruelty and sadistic minds of some pathetic jocks, but nobody could take away my voice and stunning talent. "_Someone you have to let in, Someone whose feelings you spare, Someone who, like it or not, Will want you to share a little, a lot of being alive, Make me alive, make me confused, Mock me with praise, let me be used, Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive._"

I poured everything I had into the song, loving and enjoying every second of it. In those moments, it felt like I could conquer anything. Singing had never felt so good. I felt amazing.

"_Somebody crowd me with love,_" I sang, my eyes lingering on Puck. "_Somebody force me to care, Somebody make me come through, I'll always be there, As frightened as you to help us survive, Being alive, being alive, Being alive, being alive._" The final notes were perfect, so much better than anything Rachel could hope to achieve, not that I'd be cruel enough to say such a thing to her face.

Wild and enthusiastic applause met my ears and I took a bow as I received a standing ovation, Rachel was practically drooling.

"Wow Kurt, I'm speechless." Mr. Schue gushed, I responded with a smug smile as I reclaimed my seat beside Mercedes.

"Check you out, White Boy." Mercedes commented pulling me into a hug that I happily returned. "Watch out people, my boy is back." She told the others excitedly and they all let out a cheer.

Looking over her shoulder, I searched for Puck's face and found him smiling at me. I smiled back and he winked. I certainly didn't blush, not even a little bit. My skin was naturally that pink colour; it was only the lighting that made people think my flesh was pale. Honestly.

Glee club ended and I agreed to a sleepover with Mercedes and the rest of the girls. I heard Finn mumble a complaint about me getting to see all the girls have a naked pillow fight.

"That's just a teenage boy fantasy, Finn." Quinn told him as our group walked out to the parking lot together. "It never actually happens."

"It does when me and Santana have sleepovers." Brittany said and Santana glared at any of us who dared to look at her.

"Oh I think we can all have a naked pillow fight tonight." Mercedes spoke up tapping my arm. "And Kurt can join in." She teased just to see the envious look on the other boys' faces.

"Now that is something I'd pay to see." Artie said as Mike wheeled him along, almost running over my foot. "You girls are all kinds of fine in your own ways."

"Such flattery will not get you an invite." Rachel told him and he looked a little put out.

"Take photos for us, Kurt." Sam joked and Quinn elbowed him in the ribs for his comment while I just rolled my eyes.

"Puck, you've yet to make a crude comment." Tina pointed out.

"I'm not really interested in a bunch of girls having a naked pillow fight." Puck shrugged. "Feel free to send me some hot pictures of Kurt though." He smirked at me and I absolutely did not blush.

"Dude, are you joking?" Finn asked looking at Puck.

"Not at all." Puck answered looking at me. "I'm just waiting for Kurt to admit how he feels about me."

The glares I sent him for his open flirtation were only half-hearted. Behind the playful smirk, I could see a nervousness in his eyes. Probably from fear of rejection or worry that he'd crossed some kind of line and made me uncomfortable.

"Ask me out on a date." I told him and Mercedes seemed to stop breathing as she gaped at me. "If you treat me right I'll let you know exactly how I feel about you." My tone was playful, even a little seductive. It earned some wolf-whistles and cat-calls from the boys and Brittany and Santana. Not that I'd actually put out for Puck on a first day like my words and tone had suggested. He knew that as well. There would be no sexual pressure or expectation. But a little flirting in front of our friends was too fun to resist.

"How does Breadstix sound?" Puck asked stepping in front of me, his hands in his pockets. "Tomorrow night, six o'clock?"

"Sounds good." I replied looking at him through my eyelashes and letting out a gentle laugh as a goofy expression formed on his handsome face.

"Damn, you'd better treat my boy right Puckerman or I will cut you." Mercedes threatened getting right up in his face, the other girls offering similar sentiments as did Artie and Sam.

"And Hummel," Santana said and I looked to her. "Don't you dare hurt Puck either."

"Aww, Lopez, you do care." Puck commented.

"You wish." Santana sneered but I wasn't fooled by her bitchy act and neither was anybody else. "I just don't wanna be the one you come crying to if he breaks your heart."

"Come on, let's get outta here." Mercedes said. "Sleepover's at mine girls."

Kissing Mercedes on the cheek, I told her I'd be at hers as soon as I collected my things from home. As everybody else called out goodbyes and drifted off in different directions, I walked beside Puck towards my car. At some point, our hands joined together. I can't remember if I initiated the contact or him but it didn't really matter.

"You meant that right?" Puck asked as we arrived at my car. "You'll come on a date with me? That wasn't just a show for all those losers?"

"Those losers are our friends." I pointed out to him. "And yes, I meant it. I know everything about what we have is messed up but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be together. The past isn't an attractive one but a future together could be beautiful."

"Kurt, I want you to know, that there is no pressure at all." Puck told me. "I'll wait as long as you need me to for… you know… the physical side of things."

"You can say the word 'sex' Noah, it doesn't offend me." I replied.

"Right well, I'll wait for you." Puck declared. "And when you're ready for sex, I'll show you how it's supposed to be. We can do all the romantic stuff you see in movies. Candles, rose petals, feeding each other strawberries." He listed and I just rolled my eyes in amusement. "I'll take care of you, baby. Make love to you just like you deserve."

"You know the worst is yet to come right?" I asked him seriously.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "Are you talking about Karofsky coming back? Screw that asshole, wheelchair or not, I will beat the crap out of him if he so much as sneezes on you."

"Not Karofsky." I scoffed resting my hands on Puck's shoulders. His arms moved, as though he was about to wrap them around my waist but he stopped himself. "You can hold me." I said and his arms pulled me into a loose hold. "I was referring to my dad. When he finds out we're together he'll insist on meeting you and he will polish his gun for the occasion."

"Right, your old man." Puck nodded. "Any advice on how to not make him hate me?"

"Tell him you have a rare Jewish disease that prevents you from being able to engage in sexual activity." Kurt suggested.

"I'll consider it." Puck said with full seriousness.

"I should get going." I told him. "I need to join my girls. I'm sure I'll be bombarded with questions about you." I smiled.

"Have fun tonight, you deserve it." Puck replied and his eyes dropped to my mouth again.

"Noah," I said softly and he responded with a 'hmm' to show he was listening. "Kiss me."

He smiled before lifting my chin and ducking his face to mine. He hovered over my mouth, his breath mingling with mine. Moistening my lips, I realised he was handing me the control, allowing me the power to initiate the kiss. Closing the gap between us, I pressed out lips together. His lips moved against mine, slowly, caringly. Shyly, I darted out my tongue and his mouth opened to admit me entrance. Our tongues touched and I almost pulled back but didn't. It felt wonderful and as we pulled away I felt butterflies fluttering in my tummy.

"Wow." I breathed out.

"Totally." Puck agreed. "Totally wow." He dropped a chaste kiss to my lips before holding the car door open for me.

Grinning broadly, I honked the car horn in farewell as I drove home, singing loudly to the music that blasted from the radio. Parking the car in the driveway, I skipped up to the door and let myself in.

"Hey dad." I greeted cheerfully as I bounded over to him and enveloped him in a strong hug.

"Hey kid, I was wondering where you were." Dad replied with a chuckle.

I hugged him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his bald head. Even though I knew that his comment only referred to my being a little later than usual, it felt like it meant more. Since that nightmare of a party, it was as if I'd been hiding away, wallowing in shame, pity and bad memories. Now, it felt like I'd returned and my dad was welcoming me home.

"I'm going to Mercedes'." I informed him. "Me and the Glee girls are having a slumber party."

"Alright, you have fun." Dad said as I made my way to my room to prepare an overnight bag.

For the first time since that dreadful Saturday, I didn't rush straight to the shower as soon as I stepped into my room. It wasn't necessary anymore. Well, showers _were_ necessary of course. I didn't want to walk about the world smelling like a homeless person. It was just wasn't essential for me to stand under the spray for hours scrubbing furiously at my flesh anymore. There was no need to try and wash away the dirt, for there was no dirt to wash away.

I was Kurt Hummel, proud boyfriend of Noah Puckerman. I was beautiful, he was gorgeous and neither he nor I were dirty.

**The End**

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**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


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